I will begin by saying that I think you can see by the back cover why I bought this book. It's so mysterious...who doesn't want to know what that's all about?! If A.R. Torre designed this cover, she's a genius! On to the warnings!
As I said before, this book is not for everyone. I read the back cover expecting one thing, then started reading and was plunged into a world of sexual...deviancy?...fetishes?...normalcy?...I don't know what you'd call it...which then led to somewhere else that I completely didn't expect. But honestly, I didn't mind the entire journey. This book is pretty sexually explicit but not really...I feel like I've read more descriptive novels before. It also hits on a pretty sensitive subject...pedophilia. And then of course, based on the back, we know someone wants to kill someone. So...if you're not okay with sex, murder, and the subject of pedophilia, this book is not in your niche. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, for me, it's in my niche. I'm not easily offended and I'm not too squeamish so this book was okay with me. Now...I will say, there are no descriptions of sexual acts of the pedophiliac nature, but the intent is present in the story.
With all of that being said, if you're still here, this is the premise.
Deanna experienced the traumatic murder of her father, sister, and brother at the hands of her mother when she was 17 years old. Her mother then supposedly stabbed herself. You learn the story is a bit different at the end of the book. Anyway, after experiencing this traumatic event, Deanna was left with a blood lust about her. With every person she came into contact, she would envision how she would kill them...most of them by stabbing or slitting their throat. In order to prevent herself from acting out on these urges, she has locked herself into an apartment for the last 3 years. She has a therapist and has been diagnosed with multiple disorders to account for these feelings and urges she has as related to wanting to kill people. She talks to her therapist once a week via phone and all he wants to do is dope her up so she says she's taking the meds, but she's not. Now, if you're going to be in an apartment every day, all day, how do you make money? She has solved this little problem by being a cam girl. For $6.99 a minute, she will be whoever you want her to be and will do whatever you want her to do. You can also subscribe to her personal site so basically, she makes bank. Herein lies the entrance of a lot of sex and fetishes. It was quite educational. I knew what most of them were so I didn't need the definition that was included but I had no clue there was such a thing as Financial Domination that has roots in BDSM. Google it...it'll blow your mind...it did mine.
So, she's making a living by being a cam girl and one day one of her 'visitors' wants her to be younger than she really is. She's 21 pretending to be a 19 year old college girl but he wants her to be younger. Apparently, this is also a thing. The more sessions she has with this guy though, his name is Ralph, the more she suspects something is wrong. With every session, he wants her to be even younger and he wants her to be Annie. Meanwhile, you also get the intermingling plot lines of Annie...yes she's a real girl...she's 6, lives with her mother and father in a run down trailer. They're incredibly poor but they do the best they can with what they have and they love the hell out of their daughter. I've got nothing but respect for that. So...somewhere you know Ralph has a thing for Annie and he's working out these urges and fantasies with Deanna (who's cam identity is Jessica). One day though, Deanna notices an Amber Alert on an internet webpage and begins to wonder if this is the same Annie that Ralph talks about. Lucky for her, she has a client who is a hacker so he does his thing in return for cam time and money and finds out that Ralph does indeed live in the same town as Annie. Deanna knows she has to do something. She calls the tip line but she can tell through the conversation that they may not be taking her seriously so she sets out on finding a way to stop Annie from being hurt...which of course means, she has to leave her apartment.
Side note, there's also the intermingling story line of Jeremy, the UPS guy. Because she never leaves her apartment, she has EVERYTHING delivered so he delivers something at least 3 times a week, but mostly every day of the week. Jeremy overhears her during one of her sessions one day, but instead of thinking she's having a good time, he thinks she's hurt so he storms into her apartment only to find her camming and completely naked. HER BLOOD LUST EMERGES! I was like oh fuck, she's gonna kill his ass! There's a bit of a struggle, rolling around the floor, aroused man, aroused woman, but NO SEX and NO she DOESN'T kill him! Woot Woot! Now he's really interested. If he was interested before, now he's seen her and felt her and he can't get her out of his head. Enter her means of getting to Annie. She bargains with him to take his personal truck but he she doesn't want him to go because, you know...she might still kill him. She didn't do it one time, but she doesn't trust herself to be able to resist killing him a second time. So he lets her take his truck...in exchange for a KISS....ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! You could be a psychopath...I'm not letting you take my vehicle to potentially go murder someone and all I get out of it is a kiss! Dude is already seriously whipped!
Thus she embarks on her trip to try and save Annie. Now...with all that's going on I just kept turning the pages. I wanted to know:
1. Who is Ralph in relation to Annie?
2. Is Annie THE Annie and legitimately in peril?
3. Is she going to kill Jeremy or just fuck his brains out?
4. Is she going to go on a murder rampage on her way to try and help Annie?
5. Is she going to be able to save Annie?
6. Is she going to actually be able to kill Ralph if she comes into contact with him? Sure she's imagined killing, but can she actually do it?
No...I'm not going to answer your questions. You need to read it for yourself. I loved this book and it's supposed to be erotica but I didn't really get that vibe. It's there but it wasn't to me the main premise. To me, the main premise was, would Deanna be able to overcome her murderous urges in order to go out into the world and save this little girl? And how would her life forever be changed by stepping outside of her apartment for the first time in 3 years?
This book was nothing like what I expected and I was so pleasantly surprised I'm looking forward to the next Deanna novel, Do Not Disturb. I want to see what happens next for her. I obtained resolution with this one but I want more. I want to see if she can ever fully overcome her urges or if she's stuck in her apartment again for the rest of her life. Obviously murder is a theme in books for me. I'm pretty sure my bookshelf makes me scary to any unsuspecting people simply by the sheer number of books involving murder...
All I know is...you should READ THIS BOOK!
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