Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Book 13 - Heartless by Marissa Meyer


O.M.G. SO GOOD!  I read this book in roughly uhhhh 3 days!  It was chosen for the December book for this Instagram book club (Social Book Club) I recently started taking part in.  Needless to say, I finished the book days before the first discussion was scheduled.  

A little background on the book:  You ever wonder how the Queen of Hearts from the Alice in Wonderland stories ever came to be the way she is?  You know...angry...always screaming "Off with their heads!!".  Well...Meyer gives us something to think about.  Her own twist on maybe...just maybe...what went wrong.  And I have to say, I got so wrapped up in this that it broke my heart even though I knew going in, based on the title and previous information on the Queen of Hearts, that it would happen.  You would think walking in with your eyes wide open would prepare you for the heart breaking moment, but it didn't.  My heart still hurt.  And by the way, SPOILER ALERT.  Don't read this if you don't want to know the ending...

Prior to becoming the Queen of Hearts, Catherine was the daughter of a Marques and Marchioness.  She was born into wealth and privilege and the responsibilities that come along with that...and the insufferable lack of free will.  Her mother disregards any dreams she may have, especially if they are 'beneath' her station.  Catherine has dreams of owning her own bakery...the greatest bakery Hearts has ever seen.  And she dreams of her maid being her business partner.  Her maid, Mary Ann, has a head for numbers and would be the perfect partner to make sure the business didn't go under due to financial neglect.  However, being the daughter of a Marques and Marchioness makes this impossible.  Her mother has dreams of seeing her married to the King of Hearts even though he is a foot shorter than Catherine and dim witted to boot.  Sure he's sweet and all but just ugh.  He's not a manly man and who the hell wants a pansy as a husband?  My proverbial dick is huge but my man's should be bigger...I'm just sayin'.  He's got to wear the pants, not me.  After all, pants are overrated.  Anyway...the King is an idiot and thinks throwing the next big bash will distract the people from real issues, like the Jabberwork tormenting people and carrying them off.  However, mommy dearest will accept nothing less than Catherine marrying him.  Ughhhhh.  Her mother proves this when she has Cath wear a red gown to a black and white ball, which Cath doesn't realize until she gets there.  Cath is horrified to find she's sticking out like a sore thumb, but all is exactly how her mother planned.  She'll never be able to hide from the King if she's in a red dress...

It is at the black and white ball that Cath meets the love of her life...she just doesn't know it yet.  Jest is the new court joker and his stunt at the ball is entertaining and magical.  Every eye in the place is on him, especially Cath's.  Following the joker's performance, Cheshire shows up to tell Cath of the King's intentions to propose to her.  Cath absolutely freaks out and begs the Cheshire to create a distraction so she can get away and put off the King's proposal for at least another little while.  The Cheshire pulls a stunt by landing on a girl's head and Cath uses the distraction to run out into the gardens....where she promptly faints from her corset being too tight...too much sampling of her own baked treats.  Jest revives her and they have a pleasant conversation and he eventually escorts her to a carriage which takes her home.  It isn't until hours later she is awoken by her parents coming home freaking out because there was a Jabberwork attack on the palace and no one could find Cath.  She doesn't mention meeting Jest or knowing anything about the King's intentions.

Over the next few days (weeks, months?), Cath must attend certain teas and garden parties at the palace because of her mother, but all she can think of is seeing Jest at each of these events.  They convince the King...who remember is quite dim...that a lady should be courted rather than straight out proposed to, no matter how much power one's station holds.  Yes it means she still has to suffer through interactions with the king, but she gets to see Jest on those occasions and it buys her some time.  Jest is doing a little courting of his own...with her.  He gets her to sneak out with him one night and they go to visit Hatta....the Hatter...who hasn't gone Mad yet, but Time is catching up to him and he's well on his way.  So everything is going great for Cath and Jest...if only she didn't have to marry to the King.  

We eventually learn that Jest is a Rook from Chess...a guard to the White Queen and he was sent to Hearts to steal the heart of the Queen.  Problem is, he actually loves Cath and she loves him.  This has doomed written all over it.  They eventually decide to run away to Chess together and on their way they arrive at a room with a looking glass that will take them to Chess, but there's also a door back to Hearts...and through the door Cath can hear her maid, Mary Ann screaming.  Along the way of Catherine and Jest's love affair, Mary Ann betrayed Cath...but she was still once upon a time her best friend so she tells Jest and Hatta to stay where they are and still will go check on Mary Ann.  The door opens into a pumpkin patch...that of Sir Peter...a vile man.  You remember the nursery rhyme...Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater, had a wife and couldn't keep her...Well he's in this story.  And he's the bad guy.  Cath tries to find something to get Mary Ann out of the pumpkin but Peter shows up and then the Jabberwork shows up.  Turns out, the Jabberwork is Peter's wife...bitch ate a lot of bad pumpkins and it turned her into the Jabberwork.  A clusterfuck ensues, Jest and Hatta show up despite warnings that if they crossed through a door Hatta would go mad, and Jest would die.  

And that's exactly what happens...Peter kills Jest...dun dun dunnnnnnnn.  Fucker.  I knew something bad was going to happen but fuck.  It still hurt my heart when this bullshit happened.  No wonder the Queen of Hearts is so hateful.  Cath walks around being hateful and cold to everyone.  She agrees to the marry the King because what else is she to do?  It isn't until her wedding day that her parents think to ask her what would make her happy.  If only they had asked that months ago.   
The only silver lining in her new station as Queen is the power to bring Peter to justice.  Eventually Peter is brought in, and for the first time, at least in regards to a human, she gives a decisive "Off with his head!".       

This story was a fantastic twist/retelling.  I think there are so many tales and alterations of Wonderland, but this one was completely refreshing.  I loved that there were some of the same characters, but there was no Alice!!  Meyer is a wonderful story teller and she keeps it fast paced.  Of course I have left out loads of details and plot.  That's for you to go read about!!  I blew through this book and highly recommend it.  Not just to young adults but grown ass folk like myself.  This book has spurred me on to go read the Lunar Chronicles, also by Meyer.  I absolutely LOVED this book, even though it made my heart hurt. 

5 STARS AND 2 THUMBS UP!               


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