Book 2 - Smokin' Seventeen by Janet Evanovich

So, as the title would suggest this is number 17 of the Stephanie Plum series, and yes I've read all of them up to this point as well as the Between the Plum Novels.  I love pretty much everything Evanovich writes.  I fell off the bandwagon for a bit with this one though.  If you're a follower of the Plum series then you already know Ranger and Morelli.  I really just didn't like that she was slutting herself up between the two of them.  I am a die hard Morelli girl so I didn't like her sleeping with Ranger while she and Joe were still 'on'.  

For those of you have never read an Evanovich novel, here's a quick synopsis of what you've missed...and it's a lot considering this is book 17.  Anyway, Stephanie Plum used to work in a factory in Trenton, New Jersey until it closed down and she found herself with a car she couldn't afford and no job.  She needed money so she ended up going to work for her cousin Vinnie in his bail bonds agency...not as a desk clerk, but as an agent.  She could be considered inept by many, but she somehow always has luck on her side, or maybe it's just the good Lord above.  She can never make it through a book without an inordinate amount of hijinks occurring and just all in all hilarity.  She is in an on again/off again relationship with Joe Morelli, a Trenton plainclothes cop/homicide detective.  She is often helped out on her skips by agent extraordinaire, Ranger, who has his own security business, and is apparently a hot Cuban piece of ass.  I don't see it but different strokes.  Also helping her, is hooker turned agent, Lula...a plus sized black woman trying to fit herself into size 2 neon or leopard print spandex.  

In book 16, the bail bonds office was burned down so now there's just an empty lot where the office used to be.  For the time being, until the office is rebuilt, the office is housed in an RV owned by a previous pothead sort of character named Mooner.  While trying to begin construction, a body is found in a shallow grave on the lot and it belongs to Lou Dugan, who has been missing for a bit...well...we found him.  While all of this is going on, Stephanie gets her list of skips including a geriatric gentleman who believes himself to be a vampire.  He failed to appear for court after biting someone.  She also sees Morelli's grandmother Bella in the local bakery and she puts the 'vordo' on Stephanie which is apparently a 'makes you horny forever' kind of evil eye thing.  Other bodies begin showing up that kind of circle back to Lou Dugan so there's a case developing there.  Stephanie's mother is also trying to set Stephanie up with Dave Brewer, a guy Stephanie knew in high school, but he had moved away to Georgia.  After some supposed criminal activity involving some real estate, he was acquitted of the charges, but he lost everything and had to move back in with his parents.  He  can cook like a professional chef, but he's seriously just creepy.  He won't seem to go away.  He keeps showing up at Stephanie's place because he wants to cook and he keeps trying to think it's going somewhere when all Stephanie is trying to do is get a good meal.  She tells him several times she's not interested, but he just won't seem to take the hint.  Meanwhile, bodies are stacking up and showing up outside Stephanie's apartment with a note pinned to their chest saying 'For Stephanie'.  Well then...now the murders/bodies have some connection to Stephanie, but what?  During all of these shenanigans, Stephanie is also being seemingly stalked by the brother of Jimmy Alpha, a guy she killed in like, the first book.  He wants revenge for his brother now that he is out of jail.  My.Lord.Stephanie.  How does this shit continue to happen to you?!   

Finally, after many hilarious and just outrageous comical events, we begin to learn who the culprit is.  Stephanie puts it together eventually, before the cops of course, and she ends up being held hostage by none other than Dave Brewer.  Apparently he's the reason all of these bodies were turning up and he had even killed a few folks while down in Georgia.  Looney Toon!  Now he's at Stephanie's because he wants her to run away with him to Thailand, and he has all of these American Airlines gift cards for them to get there with.  It is when he is dragging her out of her apartment, after he has packed a bag for her of course, that they run into Alpha and he wants to kill Stephanie.  It's at this moment that one of her FTA's (failure to appear kids) shows up trying to run her over with her car.  During a moment in which Stephanie seriously had the hand of God on her, Alpha shoots Dave, but Alpha ends up dead from being run over by the car.  HOW DOES THIS SHIT HAPPEN TO YOU, STEPHANIE?!  In the end, her life is no longer in danger, for now, and she has a shit ton of gift cards to go on a vacation with...so that's exactly what she does.  We don't find out though until book 18 just who she decides to take on this fantastic vacation with her.  

If you're looking for a fast paced, incredibly hilarious story, go pick up this series.  You'll finish the book in probably a day and you'll seriously laugh out loud at least once...for me it's always several times.  I'm really just hoping Stephanie gets it together in the relationship department though.  I don't think Ranger is marriage material, and Joe has actually asked her to marry him.  I wish she'd go for the cop...I love cops...go for the hot, Italian, cop with his own house and adorable dog named Bob!  On to book 18!               

Book 1 of 2016 - Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead

I've seen this movie about 20 times and I saw it way before I read the book.  I have this thing...I refuse to watch the movie AFTER I've read the book.  I can't enjoy the movie that way.  I spend all of my time criticizing the movie rather than enjoying myself, so I just don't do it.  Instead, I'll watch the movie and when I want to know what REALLY happened, I'll read the book.  That way, I'm not disappointed, because the truth is...THE BOOK IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN THE MOVIE!  

Here's how the book goes...if you want to see the movie, check out SHOtime...it's playing it on repeat lately.  It's also on Netflix Watch Instantly.

In this alternate, secret world within our world, there exists three other 'types', 'races', 'genotypes' (I don't know what you want to call them) of people.  Vampires, broken into subsets -- the Moroi...the good kind that don't drain you dry, use magic, and can actually go out in the daylight. The Strigoi...the ones who want to drink all of your blood, can't use magic, and can't go out in the daylight.  Problem is, the Strigoi are wicked strong and the Moroi are not.  Thus, the Moroi need dhampirs.  Dhampirs are half human, half Moroi making them stronger and faster than humans, but they also don't drink blood and they love the sunlight.  I feel like...that's the best of both worlds and yet the dhampirs are basically born to sacrifice themselves for the Moroi.  I'll take human then, thanks.  The Moroi are governed by a royal line of twelve families with the successor being chosen by a counsel of all of them, and never a descendant of the currently ruling monarch.  The Strigoi do what they want.  

Now that that little background info is out of the way, let us proceed with our characters and their story.  Rose Hathaway is a dhampir and her Moroi to guard is her best friend and last remaining member of the Dragomire royal family, Lissa.  Lissa's parents and brother were killed in an accident that Rose and Lissa somehow survived even though everyone said Rose should have died.  We begin our story with Rose and Lissa living in Oregon on a college campus even though they're still in high school, but Lissa has this nifty little trick called compulsion...it is what is sounds like.  They left St. Vladimir's Academy (school for the Moroi in Montana) at the vehement suggestion of their teacher, Ms, Karp.  Now, on one particular night, Rose looks out the window and realizes they have been found by the Guardians from St. Vladimir's Academy.  They try to make a run for it, but ultimately Guardian Dimitri Belikov (yummyness in a tall, dark, handsome, and Russian fashion) was able to stop them.  Back to Montana we go.  And then of course we enter the obligatory awkward, angsty, petty cat fight, bullshit world that is high school.  Turns out vampires have the same stupid bullshit drama that won't matter in 4 years drama that normal folks have.  High school can suck it...hardcore.  

Once back at the Academy, Lissa has to first use compulsion on the headmistress so she won't kick Rose out of school, and then the Dramasaurus Rex rears his ugly head.  The boyfriend Lissa left behind has moved on to some underclassman (Mia) who has a huge chip on her shoulders and is, quite frankly, a huge bitch.  Meanwhile, the boyfriend is still fawning all over Lissa but she has her eye on bad boy Christian...bad because his parents turned themselves Strigoi.  Huge faux pas.  Finally amongst the drama the plot actually begins to unfold...

Key points...

1. Lissa and Rose have a bond in which Rose feels what Lissa is feeling, specifically if it's a very strong emotion.  However, it's only a one way bond.  

2. Moroi can do magic...Earth, Water, Fire, and Air.  However, Lissa can do all four, and she has the ability to bring back animals (and people) from the brink of death.  I do believe we now know how Rose survived the car accident that should have killed her.  Lissa can also use compulsion on not only dhampirs and humans, but also other Moroi which is virtually unheard of.  

3.  Rose is undergoing double time sessions in her ass kicking training with hottie Dimitri...cue sexual tension with the hot older guy.  Sure he's only 7 years older than her but for the time being, that age gap seems absurd.  

4. The more Lissa uses her magic, the more it takes it out of her and weakens her.  Also, when she freaks out or has a panic attack, she cuts herself.  

5.  Lissa and Rose have taken a girl named Natalie under their wing.  She's a little geeky but her father is Victor Dashkov, one of the 12 royals.  It is important to note, he has a syndrome that is basically killing him.  He looks way older than 40 something and it is incurable.  I'm sure you see where all of this is going. 

6.  Someone keeps leaving dead animals at Lissa's door.   

Finally, after what felt like years of petty drama and unfolding background information, a school dance is approaching and Victor has arranged for the three girls to leave campus to go to the mall for shopping.  They find dresses and are, for at least once, just teenage girls...even though Rose's guard is up the entire time...thanks to all of those training sessions with Dimitri.  The dance is a raging success until Mia, the bitch Lissa's ex-bf or current bf or whatever the hell he is dated after Lissa, antagonizes everyone and Rose punches her in the face...literally.  Lissa leaves the dance in a tizzy and Rose is grabbed up by Guardians because she just punched a ho, but she at least has the sense to tell Christian (bad boy Lissa likes) to go after Lissa.  Whilst back in her room, Rose experiences that something is wrong through the bond she shares with Lissa.  She has been confined to her room but she knows Lissa and Christian need her so she sneaks out in order to go find Dimitri.  What she doesn't find out until she gets there, though, is that the necklace she was wearing for the dance (that Dashkov bought for her) actually contains a love charm.  Cue up heavy make out and petting session between Dimitri and Rose.  Before things go too far, Dimitri realizes what's up and once he removes the charm Rose remembers why she was seeking him out to begin with.  Rose uses her bond once again to determine that Lissa has been kidnapped by the goons of Victor Dashkov and he wants Lissa to heal him of his incurable disease.  SURPRISE!  As if that wasn't seen coming.  But...the band rushes in after Lissa has healed Victor and everyone is saved after several fight scenes.  Victor doesn't make a getaway and is taken into vampire jail which is housed in the basement of the Academy.  He requests to speak to Rose to discuss the bond she has with Lissa but she is surprised by an attack from his daughter, geeky Natalie, who has turned herself Strigoi.  Now that's dedication to being Daddy's Little Girl.  Dimitri rushes in to save Rose and he kills Natalie, but Victor gets away.  In the end, Rose and Dimitri still aren't together because dhampirs must remain loyal to the Moroi, but he would instead risk his life to protect Rose.  Christian and Lissa are now the new IT couple.  And we find Lissa's weird combination of magic is called Spirit and that St. Vladimir also had the same thing.  He never went Strigoi though because, like Lissa, he had a guardian who kept him on the right path.  Yay for a kind of happy ending but I know there are so many directions this series can go in.  

While there's a lot of teenage bullshit in this book, it actually goes incredibly fast.  It was a quick read and I actually find myself looking forward to what will happen next, particularly in the Rose and Dimitri world.  I'm sure it will be frustrating, but I hope they get a happy ending.