Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Book 4 - Yellow Brick War by Danielle Paige


Gosh, Danielle Paige does it again with the latest installment of the Dorothy Must Die series!  I don't think I will ever get tired of seeing in which direction she'll take us next.

When we last left Amy, she, Dorothy, and the witches were back in Kansas!  When we meet up with them again, Mombi, Gert, and Glamora are speaking cryptically to potentially Amy...but it turns out they're talking to Nox!  They're telling Nox it's time to join the Quadrant, which basically, is like taking up the priesthood but with witchcraft...okay so maybe that's a blasphemous metaphor, but he is apparently no longer allowed to have a fucking life...literally or figuratively.  He is now obligated to put Oz first...forever.  No family, no love life,  no nothing...just Oz...uhhhhhh fuck that.  Sheesh.  Anyway, Amy is all what the fuck dudes?  What the hell am I?  Chopped liver?  Thanks for using me for absolutely nothing and getting me almost killed more than once!!  Well, in the background is also Dorothy but she's still got those gaudy red shoes on so she just taps her fucking heels together and poofs back to Oz to reign down more destruction with her psychotic, power hungry self.  

So now...Amy and the newly formed Quadrant are in Kansas with no foreseeable way to get back to Oz...until they think of the silver shoes that took Dorothy back to Kansas the first go around.  They're hoping, if they took Dorothy to Kansas, maybe that can take them back to Oz.  The downside though, the witches are weak in Kansas, Amy has no power, and she has to go back to high school...which means she also has to go back to her mother.  The mother who left her on the day of the tornado that took her to Oz to go pop some pills, drink some booze, and get some strange at a tornado party.  Amy knows it's the only option they have and she knows they have to get back to Oz in order to stop Dorothy from causing more destruction.  Begrudgingly, she goes to her mother's apartment...

...And enters into the fucking twilight zone!  Her mother has been relocated to a set of run down apartments that had seen better days BEFORE the tornado.  Not only his mother ecstatic to see her but she's also...SOBER!  Amy immediately recognizes her mother is coherent even if she's still stuck in the slutty fashion ways of her former self...but hey baby steps...it's only been a month.  That's right...all of the time spent in Oz has only been a month of Kansas time.  Amy notices too that her mother's apartment is also clean...something their trailer back in Dusty Acres never was unless Amy did it herself.  Amy makes up some nonsense story about the twister picking her up and she was in the hospital in Topeka with amnesia...she threw in the amnesia because it turns out her mother had been looking for her.  After the tornado, Amy's mom got her shit together but it took losing her daughter for her to do it.  Amy, though, doesn't trust it...it's only been a month.  She keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her apologetic, seemingly sincere, mother to go back to the booze and pills.  After a day or so, Amy goes back to high school to finish out her senior year but really it's to look for the silver shoes.  

Not only is Amy in the twilight zone at home, but also at school.  Remember Madison, the bitchy pregnant girl who was always hateful to Amy?  Well, she's popped out her baby and has now become an outcast as well.  She and baby daddy, Dustin, begin talking with Amy and sitting with her which absolutely warps Amy's mind.  She decides she might be able to use them to help her look for Dorothy's shoes.  She tells them about a snippet of a newspaper article she found written by L.F. Baum recounting the stories of a Ms. Gale who saw visions after she survived a tornado.  Yep...proof that Dorothy really did exist...now if only she could find the article, maybe she could find out where the shoes went.  Dustin tells her there are some old archived newspapers and stuff in the school library but it's all locked up...only way to get to it would be detention with library cleaning duty.  Amy goes to the Assistant Principal making up some bullshit story about how it isn't fair she didn't serve her suspension with the tornado and all so how about she serve her penance in detention?  The AP seems satisfied with this and allows it.  Dustin is able to schmooze the teacher in charge of detention so they can clean the library, which is when Amy feels a magical hum coming from a box stuck way in the back.  When Amy touches the box it burns her and suddenly she is faced with a creepy mofo in a black robe talking about her finding so easily what he had hidden which means she is in fact powerful.  He introduces himself as The Nome King and he too wants to rule Oz...and given Dorothy is losing control, he thinks he can wield Amy to do his dirty work.  So now...not only do we still have Dorothy and Glinda to deal with, but now we add this creepy motherfucker into the mix.  *SIGH*  The Nome King lets Amy go for now but she finds inside the box a blank journal...which through a little magical help from Mombi, proves to be the real life journal of one Dorothy Gale.  However, it doesn't reveal a flipping thing about where the monkey these shoes are!  

So...how then do they get back to Oz you ask?  Well...the Nome King commandeers the AP's body at the same time Nox shows up and at the same time Amy realizes the silver shoes are in plain sight in the diorama in the high school hallway depicting the characters of The Wizard of Oz.  The shoes are on miniature Dorothy's feet!  Whilst a fight ensues between Nox and the Nome King (who summons another fucking tornado!) Amy breaks the glass, grabs the shoes, and they grow to fit her feet perfectly...into COMBAT BOOTS!  Diamond encrusted combat boots!  I WANT SOME!  Of course I have nothing to wear with them but meh...diamonds go with everything!  Anyway......Amy can feel the power in the boots and uses them to grab Nox's hand to get back to Oz before the Nome King can transport them to only God knows where in his tornado.  Luckily, because Nox is now part of the quadrant, Gert, Mombi, and Glamora are also transported back to Oz...where shit gets really real.  

They have been transported back to the Tin Woodman's deserted palace but not far in the distance is Glinda with a creepy clone army.  Of course a battle ensues, and the monkeys even show up...and then Dorothy shoes up with mechanical three headed version of Toto.  Problem is, Amy can't use magic...well I mean she can...but she shouldn't.  Magic from Oz doesn't do well with us normal folks...it has corrupted Dorothy and it has made Amy dark on more than one occasion.  She decides to risk it and it is this darkness that is able to slay Toto.  It is only when she hears Nox yelling her name that she is able to come out of that dark magic place...awwwww...loveeee.  At the end of the battle, it appears as though Dorothy has run off, in a much weakened state but she's still not dead, and it appears as though Glamora has defeated Glinda...we find out later that's not really true...ugh...nothing is ever simple.  The Wicked make a plan to go to the Emerald City the next day in order to take Dorothy on once again, as she is now tapping into the magic of the Great Clock...the most natural and powerful form of magic in Oz.  It's a virtual oil pump of magic.  

They make it to the Emerald City to find it in ruins with vines growing everywhere and black cloud swirling above it.  Amy and Nox make it into the palace while the other witches battle more plants and clockwork soldiers created by Dorothy's corrupted magic.  Amy has to use the shoes to find Dorothy through the nightmarish castle and when she does, they find a Dorothy that looks to be almost dead.  Her eyes are sunken in, she's pale, her dress in tattered, and she has the most evil eyes...she's drunk on the power of the magic.  She's also causing destruction in not only Oz but also Kansas because she has thrown the Great Clock into Lurline's pool.  Through Lurline's pool, Amy can see what is happening in her home of Kansas.  She decides fuck it, yells I love you to Nox, and jumps in...but she is taken to a world between worlds...Lurline's world.  So Lurline is the fairy who brought Magic to Oz...without her, there would be no Oz.  She gets all cryptic and tells Amy to be careful with the magic so she doesn't become like Dorothy.  She gives her a good bit of sage advice and a necklace for someone else.  She is then transported back into the cavern where she left Nox and Dorothy.  With the use of both of their magics, Nox and Amy are able to sever the tether Dorothy has on the Great Clock and she basically burns up from the magic overload.  Like literally...bitch burns...3rd degree burns...eye oozing out..the works.  Which is honestly a good thing because Amy has decided she doesn't want to kill anyone...not even Dorothy.  She doesn't want to become a dark, corrupted version of herself.  The palace is also beginning to shake and crumble so Amy and Nox make a run for it.  Finally outside the palace and into safety, Nox makes the declaration to screw the Quadrant because he's in love with her too...yay but ugh...stupid Quadrant.  Ozma...the I've had my brain scrambled by Dorothy and Glinda former ruler of Oz...shows up and Amy knows immediately the necklace from Lurline is for her.  She puts the necklace on and immediately the old Ozma is back...Oz has its ruler again!  A huge celebration is had...yay...Amy and Nox are all in love...yay...

...But nothing good lasts forever...okay so that's depressing...but there's another bump in the road up ahead as it is confirmed that Glinda and Glamora are actually sharing a body after their initial battle.  And right now, Glinda is winning.  She summons a silver pool that Amy looks into and can see the Nome King has still taken up residence in the AP's body, and that he also has a grip on Madison.  He uses this silver pool to come to Oz, with Madison in tow.  He wants Amy; but she is able to use the power of the shoes to grab Nox and Madison and take off running.  They make it to the yellow brick road with a very confused and fucking scared Madison; but it turns out the road is helping them.  It is moving under them like it wants them to go a certain way.  Amy grabs Nox by the hand, and the three take their first step off into the next adventure....

Now...I have to wait at least probably another year before I know where we go from here!  Thanks so much for leaving me with a cliffhanger, she said with heavy sarcasm!  I love these books and I will just have to fill my time with other amazing books until the next one comes out.  I can't wait to see where the road leads next for Amy and Nox, and of course the other Wicked...but mostly Amy and Nox :)  I'm a sucker for a good love story!         


     

Book 3 - Hounded: Book 1 of the Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne


I LOVED AND ADORED THIS BOOK! NERDGASM TO THE MAX!   
I seriously just want to marry Atticus and have his Druid babies...as many as he wants.  Oh to be in love with a fictional character.  Anyway...I'm about to skip over a whole lot of information but the only thing you need to know is, you're doing yourself a disservice if you don't read this series...whether it's what you're into or not!  

This book contained everything that makes my little nerd heart tick with glee...an Irish Druid (because I love all things Irish given my great grandmother's maiden name was Flaherty), a werewolf lawyer, a vampire lawyer, witches, the Fae, gods and goddesses, andddd an Irish Wolfhound who has the most amazing sense of humor that I now want an Irish Wolfhound despite the fact my apartment could not accommodate one, nor could my budget.  On to the general premise of this story and everything I so loved about it...

Hearne has an incredible sense of humor and ability to make a story come to life.  I couldn't put this book down and I couldn't read fast enough.  I was utterly drawn in from page one and I have since bought every book in the series.  It's just one of those stories that you're thinking about when going about your day...maybe only serious bookworms will understand that...but it's the truth.  I've even found myself thinking back on it when something happens in daily life.  It's just really sticking with me so Bravo Kevin...Bravo! 

Atticus (real name Siodhachan -- pronounce SHE ya han) O'Sullivan is a Druid who is oh about 2000 years old but looks like a 21 year old.  Um, yes please.  He's a gingy with tattoos and a total badass...he's also wanted dead by the god of love, Aenghus Og, because of a sword, Fragarach, that Atticus won fair and square during a battle.  Aenghus is just a piss poor loser.  So Atticus has, up until this point, been living a fairly quiet life in Arizona, running an occult book shop, doing yard work for his elderly Irish neighbor Mrs. MacDonagh, and just doing his thing with herbs and tea.  That is, until the Morrigan shows up in his shop and tells him Aenghus is after him and knows where he is.  In addition to this, Atticus has witches showing up at his shop wanting a tea that will render a man impotent.  It isn't until after the first administration of this tea that Atticus learns the man is Aenghus.  Everyone seems to be up against him...not to mention someone is in his home after he gets home from hearing the warning from the Morrigan.  Turns out the intruder is Flidais, a goddess of the hunt, who has come to talk to Atticus about Aenghus and to basically learn the location of the sword, Fragarach.  Flidais, while potentially being a great fuck, brings nothing but trouble when she uses her goddess powers to make Oberon, Atticus' Irish Wolfhound, kill a park ranger during a hunt in the local park.  Granted the park ranger was under the control of Aenghus, but still, the police catch wind and through Aenghus' control of folks, they show up at Atticus' door.  Lucky for Atticus, he has a badass werewolf lawyer, Hal, and a badass, slightly creepy, vampire lawyer, Leif.  Hal happens to be there every step of the way with Atticus through all of the search warrants and he's there when the police show up to search the shop during which Atticus is able to snap the control Aenghus has over one officer, but he also gets himself shot.  Now...being the Druid he is, he just has to get to some grass and dirt and he can heal...well that story doesn't fit well with the police.  Luckily, Hal has a werewolf doctor that can falsify some reports and make shit look real.  It's good to have inside men.  With all of this going on, Atticus must also contend with Bres, a god who is also basically a lackey for Aenghus; but this proves to be easier than anticipated and Atticus easily slays Bres.  However, Bres happens to be the husband of Brighid who happens to be goddess of the forge, and honestly, a goddess that Atticus has great reverence and respect for.  She also shows up at his house and isn't quite sure if she's going to kill his ass or not; but ultimately decides he did her favor in killing her bumbling idiot of a husband so as long as Atticus is on her side during the faction occurring within the Fae, she'll spare him.  Aenghus being such a sore loser is causing these gods and goddess to split between being on his side, and being on Brighid's side.  Atticus readily pledges his loyalty to her because honestly...it's his goddess.  Wouldn't you do the same if your primary deity showed up in your kitchen??  

So...we've got Aenghus still hanging out, Flidais making trouble with her antics, the police breathing down Atticus' door looking for Oberon, Bridghid showing up searching for loyalty but also hiding secrets of her own, and still pesky witches that we still aren't sure can be trusted (because witches can never be trusted).  Finally....FINALLY...Aenghus makes his move...at the most inconvenient of times.  Just when Atticus is finally getting the full scoop on how the hot bartender, Granuaile, who he has seriously been crushing on for more than a hot minute, has been possessed by a Hindu witch who shares a home inside her body, werewolf alpha Mangusson, shows up to ask Atticus if he has seen Hal (werewolf attorney).  Not 2 seconds after the wolves show up, Atticus' phone rings and of course it's a witch saying they have not only Hal, but also Oberon.  Well shit...now the wolves are pissed and Atticus is pissed...all of this because of a sword...*sigh*...boys and their toys.  

Atticus and the wolves devise a plan, including Granuaile because she wants to be the Druid's apprentice, and hey why  not throw her into the deep end...Anyway, they develop a plan to go to Aenghus and a battle ensues.  I'll spare you all the details...but they're really good details...a couple of plot twists and very little death on the part of the good guys.  Lots of demons from hell released though...a couple get away that have to be dealt with later but eh...it gets handled.  Important part is, Aenghus is defeated!  Woot Woot!  And Atticus gets to add another sword to his collection, Moralltach.  The bad witches are killed.  Granuaile and the Hindu witch, Laksha, find a comatose patient's body to house Laksha in, and Granuaile is able to begin her apprenticeship with Atticus...of course your libido will cause no problems at all with that scenario Atticus...

There's seriously so much background information and action packed fun.  You HAVE to read this book!  You need to know the background, the history, the pure comedy that is Oberon, just...all of the goodness!  Hearne is able to pack so much story telling into this book but it seriously flies by and you're left hungering for more!  

GO READ THIS SERIES...RIGHT NOW...GO!